Social Anxiety? Yup
You’d never know, if you met me, that I have Social Anxiety. I use it as a fuel to create this outwards appearance of joviality (or biting criticism) and it’s a propellant that makes humor. As I’ve gotten older I’ve toned it down but it’s still there. If I go out with a group of coworkers I might “hold court” but that’s because I don’t want these work acquaintances judging me and if, in my mind, I distract them enough they wont see me for “who I really am”. If I’m in a room full of people and it’s quiet? I think “It’s because of me. I’m pulling everyone down and I’m killing the mood and I have to say something because it’s my fault that everyone is miserable and uncomfortable.” A lot of my banter, humor and certainly my personal vanity (Which is just another way to say Social Anxiety) is merely smoke and mirrors lest people judge me. Very few times have I been able to just have quiet moments with someone. It was a rarity. It’s much, much better now but I’ve had to work at it.
So, I’ve gotten better now that I can identify it but it’s still there. I need to practice exposure. Look at people in the hallway and say – “hi” (and not worry about how it sounds coming out). Look over at the car next to me and force myself to see the other person (I never look around me because I’m afraid people will judge me in the other car). It’s odd though because, like I said, if you met me you probably wouldn’t pick up on it. Because if I distract you with talk and gestures, you won’t have time to pick me apart.
<story to come soon>
Social Anxiety Videos
2 Great videos breaking down Social Anxiety:
Math Test Anxiety. In One Picture.
As I said in an earlier post. I had a lot of math test anxiety as a child.