Great Descriptive Post

Found this over on Reddit. Got permission to use some of this from the original poster (Thanks THWAY…) This is just the first part as they go on to describe their successful treatment but I felt this part just works nicely for description’s sake. I’ll be posting the science aspect of OCD and this is a nice lead in to that. I will also post their second half at a later time:

“And the reality is that you’ll never be sure, because OCD just latches onto the vagueness that can never be proven, and that’s what keeps the cycle going.

I’m talking mostly about rumination/pure o I guess but maybe it applies more broadly too.

The thing is every time the doubt/anxiety comes around it’s my instinctive reaction of discomfort/fear that I want to get rid off. It’s not because that the thought/anxiety is true or a real thing of concern, it’s that I’ve learned to react to it as if it’s super paramount and critical.

I just want to get rid of that uncomfortable (sometimes unbearable) anxiety so I think and I ruminate and I perform all these elaborate compulsions because I’m convinced that THIS time it’ll work. THIS time I’ll find the ultimate answer/solution and the doubt will go away forever. But there is no real solution. And anything that brings temporary relief only drives the cycle more because the brain has learned through all the attention on it that this is a critical threat that needs to be solved, and it just goes on and on and on and on.

There’s enough false hope, false threat, and most importantly vagueness (aka there will ALWAYS be something that your OCD can latch onto again – like something undefinable like good or bad or love or evil or – ), that it can go on for what feels like forever.

It’s like this bridge between the OCD and logical part of the brain that can never be crossed no matter how much you try, it’s like hitting a glass wall. The logical self from a distance KNOWS how irrational and ridiculous this all is but seems to be unable to do a thing.”

 

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